Real Talk: Settling is a Waste of Energy

Real Talk: Settling is a Waste of Energy

Real Talk: Settling is a Waste of Energy

At 25, with only a handful of legitimate relationships in my pocket I’ll be the first to say… there’s a lot to be said for being single. I enjoy it very much. I mean, I didn’t come up with an entire post about being Miss Perpetually Single for nothing.

The truth is, being single really suits me. That isn’t to say that I wouldn’t be opposed to finding someone. I mean, I love love as much as the next girl. But, I really don’t want to rush it. Why? Because settling is a waste.

Before I get into that more I will say this is in no way, shape, or form bashing those in happy and healthy relationships. If you’ve been lucky enough that cupid’s helped you find someone you genuinely connect with and you’re happy, more friggin’ power to ya! That’s hard to find, so cherish it.

However, for the rest of us mere mortals who haven’t been so #blessed to find someone I’ll leave this here… DO. NOT. SETTLE.

Seriously. Don’t do it. Just stop.

Settling does not help you. Settling does not benefit you. Settling does not help or benefit the other person. It will harm every single person involved. All it does is block your chances of finding a real, legitimate, all consuming, head over heels, over the moon, knocking it out of the park kind of love. And isn’t that what we all deserve when it’s all said and done?

I know, I know. It’s hard when you’re just out here on your own trying to live life as a single. Truuuust me, I get it. I’ve fallen victim to lonely texts and trying to form a connection with people that you just don’t feel it with just because you’re lonely and want a warm body in your bed for the night. We’ve all done it. But the truth is that shit is so toxic.

To be a 1000000% honest here, I have never felt lonelier than in the midst of meaningless company. There were a couple of years where I went a little wild, I think most of us have even if wild looks a little different on everyone. I didn’t want to settle down, didn’t want to date, was completely turned off by commitment. Thankfully, for both my health and my sanity, this didn’t last too terribly long. I was over it pretty quickly, but that time was the single loneliest point in my life.

I was settling for a physical connection without anything more and it was the most unsatisfying thing I’ve ever done. Some people just need something more, and apparently I’m one of them.

So, I calmed down a little bit. Started dating, although I didn’t take it very seriously. I have a bad habit of doing that. Dating and not taking it very seriously until something just clicks. Other than that I’m pretty much a serial dater.

However, with winter upon us and snuggle weather coming up I feel like I need to remind myself not to fall victim to settling. Because in the end what does it actually accomplish? Let’s take a look at what settling can get you:

  • Stuck in a loveless relationship
  • Completely wasting months/years of your life because you got comfortable in your settling
  • Wasting the other person’s time because while they’re falling for you you’re kinda just sitting there like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ “Meh”
  • Energy wasted on fruitless fights

The list of negatives goes on and on. And we all deserve so much more.

We all deserve to go out and find someone who understands us. Who we can be a complete and utter fool with and they still look at us like the sun shines out of our ass. And you won’t find that with a “oh, you’ll do” attitude.

In my time alone I’ve learned that it’s okay to know what you want. It’s okay to know what you’re worth. And it’s okay to want love. Because, if we’re being real here settling hasn’t worked for anyone. It didn’t work for Rachel when she tried to be with Barry (thank god she eventually found Ross), it didn’t work for Carrie with literally everyone when she was actually in love with Big, it didn’t work for Holly Golightly when she had her sights on José da Silva Pereira (or anyone else but Paul, for that matter), and it won’t work for you. {SIDEBAR: If you get those references, please, let’s be friends.}

So, with the new year upon us I’m making it a goal to stop settling. Stop being my own worst enemy and standing in my own way and going after the things I want.

I’m not going to settle for less than everything. Everything I’ve ever wanted and more than I ever dreamed. I want to look at someone and just feel like I completely lucked out. It’ll take time. It’ll be trial and error, and I’m completely cool with that. I’m not in a rush (I’m still only 25 after all).

And you shouldn’t be either. You should want all of those things. You should know what makes your heart flutter and your soul feel whole. If you don’t, take  the time to figure it out. Because once you do, settling will completely lose it’s appeal.

To quote one of my all time favorite movies, “the greatest thing you will ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return”. ♥

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